Friday, May 13, 2011


I've been dwelling on hope this week. My hope is lacking. I've been ill for over a year. I thought it would be done. I'm still a partial invalid and in pain. Is this my life for now on? Please, no!
I will be having surgery in a week and a half. There is a chance that the plan will change while I'm under anesthesia. I could wake up to bad news. Since nothing has gone according to plan through this whole illness, I'm expecting this to go wrong, too. Am I sinning? Is my hope in the wrong thing? 
The Bible says "hope in the Lord" over and over again. Hmmmm... I keep hoping in healing to happen. I thought the Lord assured me I would be healed. Since this hope has been delayed, my heart is sick and sad. I don't want that. I want to trust and have my Hope be solely placed in Jesus--not in medicines, surgeries or even miracles. How do I do that? 

I don't know.

I'm praying. 

Help me, Lord, to hope in you.


  1. Many of the Bible's instructions seem to go against what we refer to as "common sense" such as "in everything, give thanks". Hard to do and opposite of our natural reactions. Hope is like that. In our humanness, we have hooked both Hope and Thanksgiving to our feelings and to circumstances, and the Bible tells us they are something else entirely. They are Verbs - actions we take regardless of our feelings or circumstances. They are actions of obedience, of relinquishing our will, not in a giving-up or 'whatever' kind of way but rather in the 'nevertheless' kind of way.
    Hope and Thanksgiving are the hard work, the rubber-meets-the-road work of Christians, and they are based in our "nevertheless not my will" actions. Nothing to do with circumstances or feelings. Jesus reached this point in the Garden of Gethsemane. Mary reached this point after the angel's announcement.
    This is what you are doing, dear daughter. Your prayer, asking God to help you hope in Him, is proof that your heart is in the right place. You are struggling to find the place of "nevertheless" and of "in everything", just like Christ did, like Job did. This is good, not sin.
    I am praying with you, and so are many, many others.

  2. Thanks so much, Mom. You're right. I keep forgetting that my feelings betray me. I am sad. I have pessimistic thoughts and feelings that this will never end or that things won't go as I would like. I am seeking the Lord. That's the important thing. I'm asking that my wants will be changed to His will. I'm seeking the point of "nevertheless." Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement. My guilt is lifted. The guilt that has kept me from praying and seeking Him. I won't hide my face anymore. I'll keep trusting that my hope will be in the Lord.

  3. I love you so much, dear one. Knowing HOW MUCH I love you, its amazing to me that He, Jesus Christ, loves you wayyyy more than that! Incredible, His boundless love! Too big to comprehend...