Spoon Theory

A friend recently posted a link to a blog written by a lady with a chronic illness. She was sharing how she learned to explain what it's like to live with one. Her friend was curious so she gathered up all the spoons she could find and handed them to her friend. She told her to count them because it's important to know how many "spoons" you have at any given time. Then, she asked her friend to talk about the daily events of the day starting in the morning. As the friend recounted her different habits and tasks, she took a spoon. Her friend soon learned that even something as simple as just getting up out of bed took energy. Simple things that everyone does regularly take some planning when you have limited "spoons."
I cried when I read it. It explains so closely how I've lived for the last year. If I clean a bathroom, I may not have the energy to cut veggies to make dinner. I'm having another surgery on Tuesday--a revision of the colostomy. I hope it works so I can heal and have my energy back. I want to not have to plan everything so closely. If it doesn't work. I guess this is my new "normal" and I have to get used to it.
Right now, I'm happy that yesterday was a "many spoons day" and I got to tackle some long awaited chores. I went past my spoon amount, though. I knew I was. I did more after dinner. I borrowed from today and I've been tired and draggy all day. OH, well. I'll have plenty of rest time after my surgery.
I just have to ask a favor. Whenever you use a spoon, say a prayer for someone that's ill. The prayers really do make a difference.

Worship Cuddles

Over 11 years ago I became a mom. I held my baby while worshipping in the church service. In her toddler years, I kept cuddling her during worship. When my son was born, I held him and still cuddled my daughter. One Sunday, as I worshipped I realized that holding my children so close was a picture of what God does for us. He holds us close as we worship him. I decided to always try to touch and cuddle my children whenever they hear worship songs—whether they sing with us or not. My daughter is now a pre-teen and I still reach out to hold her hand or give her a hug or put my arm around her. I still often cuddle my 9-year-old son on my lap while praising Jesus. Through this touch, my hope is that when they are older and apart from me they will experience the peaceful feeling of being held in loving arms whenever they hear songs of worship. I pray worship will become a place of wholeness and refuge for their hearts—that they would almost physically feel God’s love. 

Possible Goodbyes?

A friend of mine's husband is looking for a job. So many people are these days. I'm praying for them. He's had several interviews this week and I'm happy for them. I'm sad, too. The interviews are far away. If he's hired, they'll move. My friend and I have talked on the phone almost every day for years. We clean together while chatting. If they move so far away, it will be too expensive to do anymore. We can't drive to visit them. I'm sad and happy at the same time. They're excited at the possibility of the new adventure. I'm excited for them. I just don't want them to go. 

Hope?

I've been dwelling on hope this week. My hope is lacking. I've been ill for over a year. I thought it would be done. I'm still a partial invalid and in pain. Is this my life for now on? Please, no!
I will be having surgery in a week and a half. There is a chance that the plan will change while I'm under anesthesia. I could wake up to bad news. Since nothing has gone according to plan through this whole illness, I'm expecting this to go wrong, too. Am I sinning? Is my hope in the wrong thing? 
The Bible says "hope in the Lord" over and over again. Hmmmm... I keep hoping in healing to happen. I thought the Lord assured me I would be healed. Since this hope has been delayed, my heart is sick and sad. I don't want that. I want to trust and have my Hope be solely placed in Jesus--not in medicines, surgeries or even miracles. How do I do that? 


I don't know.


I'm praying. 


Help me, Lord, to hope in you.

Starting Up

I have things to say--a little too private for Facebook but still wanting some way to share the musings in my mind. Maybe this will work as a journal. Maybe others will respond and I'll receive wisdom to continue to grow. Maybe it'll be a flop. I don't know but I'm starting.